Results came in last week and unfortunately I didn't pass the exam to be a Nationally Certified Interpreter. I got a "poor" on the performance part and passed the interview part, but adding them together it still equals a fail on the exam. Sorry my thoughts are kind of all over the page but I just wanted to get everything I have been feeling out there. Please don't judge ;). I'm going to skip the whole story of me taking my exam because I already wrote about it in August. But you might want to read it if you haven't because it has the first half of the story in it.
I am doing better now but honestly I was really confused at first. I know that there is a reason and a plan from Heavenly Father of why I didn't pass because I felt SO good and KNEW He was helping me during the exam. (Readying my post about being in Utah will give you part of the test day story). I know Heavenly Father knew what a life long dream it was of mine to finish what I had started as a teen with my Associates in Interpreting. I had planned on becoming certified and have that as a backup in case I needed to go to work.
I have felt so much love and support from Him this whole time and still do. I feel like he let me have a great test to feel like I had "left my best on the floor", and now I need to turn to him more to figure out what I'm supposed to be focusing on instead. He has greater things planned for my life than I can imagine. I don't know a lot right now what is next, but I do know that I gave my best but for whatever reason I am not supposed to pass right now....or maybe ever.
Still it was SO HARD for me at first. I felt like I had "sacrificed" so much for my family and it wasn't bad to want this one dream of my own to come true since it could also be a help to the family if needed and I was trying to further my education. So why? I also felt that once again I had come so close to making a goal happen, but not close enough to make it a reality. Like giving up Miss Rocky Mountain and competing in Miss Utah, or not touring with my dance team to focus on classes that would be more applicable during Jason and my engagement. I feel bad to admit I was even thinking these things last week, but I was. Couldn't I have this dream from childhood happen since it would help my family and I had "sacrificed" many other dream already?
I decided to go for a walk with the kids and turn on Pandora. The first song that came on was "Praise God From Who All Blessings Flow". Then the next one was "Come thou Fount of Every Blessing"! I was reminded that my so called "sacrifices" were not really sacrifices at all!!!! I had been given SOOO much more than the little insignificant things I had given up. More than I could have ever imagined for myself. My incredible husband and my sealing to him for ETERNITY in the Temple, my beautiful inspiring children, all the ways I have grown and have come closer to my Savior...God really was And is guiding my path to him. I need to remember to Praise God from whom ALL BLESSINGS FLOW! The next song that came on was "Lead Me Home" by Hillary Weeks. It was beautiful and expressed exactly the prayer I had in my heart. http://grooveshark.com/#!/s/Lead+Me+Home/tlSKO?src=5
I know my Heavenly Father is still molding me to be what He needs me to be. I don't know everything right now, like whether to keep my major or switch it to a more marketable one, or maybe even Family History Research! Either way I know Heavenly Father does have something else in store that my limited vision can't see yet. I had an amazing talk with my mom and she reminded me that when we meet the Creator of the Universe, He won't ask to see our papers or certificates or a list of all the goals we made into a reality even!! He knows our hearts and LOVES US MORE THAN WE KNOW and will be able to see His image in our countenance.
Right now I just need to thank him for everything he is teaching me in this beautiful twisty journey of life, knowing that he is preparing a path to lead me closer to him.
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